Sober dating, also called “dry dating,” is on the rise — and the trend is likely to affect hookup culture as well.
According to a 2022 survey by dating app Bumble, over a third (34%) of people said they’re more likely to go on a sober date now than they were pre-pandemic.
The interest in sober dating reflects a larger cultural shift, according to Pippa Murphy, dating & relationship expert at condoms.uk.
People are gravitating towards a healthier, more conscious lifestyle and recognizing the benefits of sobriety. As they seek out ways to connect with others who share their values, the demand for sober dating options is likely to continue to grow, says Murphy.
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Enter sober hookups, the antithesis of drunk sex.
“I believe that it’s completely fine for people to look for casual encounters sober if that’s what they’re comfortable with. It’s important to prioritize one’s own boundaries and needs in any situation, including hookups,” adds ACS-certified sex therapist and dating coach Amber Shine.
The Benefits of Hooking Up Sober
According to Shine, one major benefit of hooking up sober is that it allows both parties to fully consent and communicate their desires and boundaries without the influence of alcohol: “This can lead to a more enjoyable and respectful experience for everyone involved.”
Being sober means that you’re more present in the moment and more likely to be in tune with your own experience during intimacy. You may become more aware of what feels good and what doesn’t without the influence of alcohol.
“I went sober at a time in my life when I was in this phase of trying to prove that I was queer, and I was having sex with everyone who wanted to have sex with me, and it wasn’t good sex; it wasn’t empowering,” shared Lily, a 26-year-old from London, in an interview with British GQ. “Sobriety helped me press pause on that and reconsider whether I was really enjoying it or whether it was just making me sad.”
Not to mention the fact that hooking up sober makes you less likely to have post-hookup regrets. Let’s face it — sobriety leads to better decision-making.
“It also reduces the chances that the encounter will lead to unintended consequences. You are more likely to be safe and use protection when sober, which can help you avoid the stress of wondering ‘what if,’” says Elijah Maidez, a certified clinical peer support worker.
Lastly, even if it can feel more vulnerable to hook up without a dose of liquid courage, it can actually help you build confidence in your ability to form connections without relying on substances, says Shine.
The Dos and Don’ts of Sober Hookups
If you are interested in sober hookups, there are a few dos and don’ts to keep in mind for a fulfilling experience.
The first one is being honest about your intentions, according to Maidez.
“If both individuals know that the date is just meant to be casual and fun, then the absence of alcohol shouldn’t really make a difference,” he says. “The best way to ensure that you can have a positive experience is just to be honest. That way both people know what to expect and there are no awkward or uncomfortable moments.“
Shine agrees, highlighting the value of “being clear about your intentions and boundaries from the start, communicating openly and honestly with your partner, and making sure to prioritize your own safety and well-being.”
Additionally, just like with any other hookup scenario, it’s important to remember that everyone has different boundaries and preferences — listen to your hookup partner’s wishes and needs.
Not sure where to meet like-minded people when you associate hooking up with settings like bars and clubs? Don’t try to go to these places sober in an attempt to meet other sober people.
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It’s not impossible, but you may end up disappointed. Consider using dating apps instead so you can find people on the same wavelength and plan an alcohol-free date.
“While it’s true that many people meet potential partners in bars or other social settings where alcohol is present, it’s not impossible to find a hookup while sober,” says Shine. “In fact, there are now many dating apps and websites specifically designed for people who don’t want to rely on alcohol to meet others.”
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Whatever you do, it’s crucial to avoid compromising on the boundary of keeping things sober, says Maidez — agreeing to have a sober fling and trying to backtrack later can quickly turn the situation into one that feels unsafe.
Besides that, sober hookups are not all that different from regular ones. Remember the importance of consent, lead with transparency, and have fun.