Tinder or Cold Approach?

I know that online dating apps are tough.

And probably you’ve experienced that first hand and wondered:

What’s best? 

Tinder or cold approach?

In this article, we’re going to go deep and see the pros and cons of each.

And I will also share with you my most impactful advice for both.

We’re going to go over:

The main differences between online dating and cold approach

The Pros and the Cons of each

How to make the most out of online dating

The best way to do cold approach

Which one is best to meet a girl

BONUS: Why meeting girls in social circles is the future

Let’s get to it.

Cold Approach VS Online Dating Apps

Pick-up artists also call it “day game”.

For those who didn’t know, cold approaching means meeting women outside.

That’s it.

You see a cute girl sitting at the coffee shop, you just go strike up a conversation.

Truth be told, for most guys, this is going to be something scary:

Don’t want to bother her

Don’t know what to talk about

Don’t want to get rejected

Don’t want to be judged by other people around

She could turn out to be vegan

Plus, with the #metoo movement and an atmosphere of social justice, it’s really tough for the average guy.

But you know what’s even harder for that guy?

Online dating apps.

Cold Approach and Tinder aren’t That Different

This study showed that with online dating, only the top 20% of men get with 80% of all women.

So if you’re average, you will have a hard time getting that first date out of Tinder.

Other experiments showed that, on average, men who aren’t in the top 20% get swiped right on by women on dating apps only 0.4 to 0.6% of the time.

This number is extremely low.

It means that roughly 1 out of 200 girls will match with a non-top guy on online dating, on average.

I wasn’t able to find „scientific“ data on cold approach, but here’s what I found online:

A user from the subreddit r/Asianmasculinity shared his results.

Interestingly enough, he’s an Asian guy, an ethnicity that’s supposed to have a hard time with dating.

He still managed to sleep with 2 girls out of 85 approaches.

This is way better than the 0.6% success rate of online dating apps!

This backs up my own personal experience over thousands of cold approaches:

Cold approach makes it easier to show that you’re attractive outside of your appearance.

It happened multiple times that I matched with a girl online, only for her to ghost me.

And then I’d randomly see her outside and I’d strike up a conversation.

And we’d have a good interaction in person.

Interview with a Pick-Up Artist

I figured it was a great idea to interview someone who spends a tremendous amount of time meeting women outside every day.

So I contacted Joe, who is what some would call a PUA (“pick-up artist”) – actually, he’s been a dating coach for years.

I asked his opinion about meeting women with a cold approach in 5 questions:

Question: How long have you been approaching women in public and why did you start doing it? 

Answer:I started day game in January 2014. When I heard it was possible to chat up women as you see them throughout the day, of course, I wanted to try it.

Q: How many girls do you approach per day (or week) and do you think this number can be surprising to most men? 

A: Honestly nowadays, I will just approach hotties when I see them. But during my periods of intense practice or when I move to a new city, I will aim to approach 10-15 women a day. Yes, of course, that would surprise those uninitiated to day game.

Q: Do you think meeting women in public is better than online dating? 

A: Yes, because it allows to use your personality rather than purely looks. Also, it puts you at the front of the queue for her attention.

Q: How many women do you have to meet before finding one to start a relationship with, on average? 

A: If I approach 10 girls, I’d be confident in my ability to land 1-2 dates. Long-term relationships? Well, that depends on how cool the girl is. I have high standards for that sort of thing 😉

Q: What would be your advice to someone who never approached a cute girl in public before and would like to try? 

A: I made a really simple three-step guide to day game that anyone could follow. My first advice would be that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

Cold Approaching Works

It seems that the odds when cold approaching women are surprisingly high.

In fact, you have a huge advantage over the vast majority of guys if you can approach women in real life.

I’ve been asking around other dating coaches about cold approach and here is what came out:

If you’re a hard-case shy guy, you can expect to have sex with 1 out of 600 women

If you’re a regular guy, it’s anywhere from 1 to 5 out of 300 women

The best at this can sleep with 1 out of every 30 women they approach

So Tinder or cold approach?

Well, you should come at both with different expectations.

Let’s compare and see which Tinder or cold approach is the most interesting.

Pros & Cons of Cold Approach and Online Dating

So while both are quite close in terms of odds, they have significant differences.

The biggest ones are about the way you should go about it, and the expectations you should have.

Cold Approaching is a Hustle

I say hustle but in the best possible sense of the term.

You might prefer cold approach for this reason:

With cold approach, you have a direct impact on your dating life, and immediate feedback.

You can meet more women with cold approach than you would with dating apps.

Considering there are roughly 50% women out there in real life.

As opposed to only 10 to 25% of female profiles on dating apps.

What’s so good with cold approach is the freedom it gives you:

In terms of dating strategies, with cold approach you can attract women anywhere, anytime and with no preparation.

This tremendously expands your dating pool.

You can also get very good results if you have Game.

With very beautiful women and within a short period of time.

Cold Approaching is Emotionally Tough

Real life also means real rejections.

Actually, one of the main selling points of Tinder was the lack of visible rejection.

There’s a certain „emotional maturity“ threshold to cold approach.

It will be draining, at least at first, if you’re having difficulties with:

Feeling good about yourself

Making small talk

Not caring about other people’s opinions

And obviously if you meet women in real life it also means you’ve gotta leave the house.

So there’s some degree of effort involved.

That said, I really encourage anyone to call this a fair game.

The emotional discomfort will destroy your ego, and replace it with actual confidence.

And this is key to personal growth.

People might see you approaching women, and a girl might even say mean things to you.

So what?

It’s still an amazing way to meet women.

And again according to our data, a better way to get that first date.

Cold Approach Pros & Cons Summary

Pros:

Meet women anywhere, anytime

Can try your shot at the hottest women

Higher success rate than dating apps for most men

Huge potential for self-growth

Cons:

Have to leave the house

Emotionally tough

Online Dating is like Investing

I like to see online dating as an investment.

If you invest in bitcoins, for example, you’re going to take your time before putting all your money in it.

You’re going to do the research, you will do the work, and then you will place your money.

The same way you should craft a great profile before jumping into Tinder.

And once you’ve placed your investment, you’re going to wait for the money to roll in.

The same way you will wait to get matches once your optimized dating profile is online.

There is not that much hustle involved in online dating, outside of setting up a good profile.

Of course, sending the right texts matters.

But once you’ve got your profile set up and a proper texting system, you can chill.

And that just might be online dating’s biggest advantage:

You can get a woman to come to your doorstep for a quick hookup without leaving your sofa.

Online Dating is Passive

Eventually, you’ll get some dates down the line.

The downside is that your results are kind of out of your control once your profile is up.

Unless you buy Tinder boosts and such, you can’t do anything to get more results.

It all depends on the quality of your profile and your texting system.

With cold approach, you can always meet more girls, with online dating you gotta wait.

I’ve also noticed that getting a date with a very hot girl is extremely rare on dating apps.

If you’re not getting a lot of action this can lead to a scarcity mindset real quick.

Tinder Pros & Cons Summary

Pros:

Can meet women from your sofa

Once set up properly, it’s effortless

Cons:

Highly dependant on your photos

Once set up, you can’t do anything more to meet women

Very hot girls are rarer

Most of your online dating success will depend on the quality of your setup.

So let’s see how to make the most of it.

Optimize your Online Game to Get Dates

I quickly went over it before, online dating is all about 2 very important things:

The quality of your profile

The quality of your texting system

So let’s see what we’re playing with.

Figure Out the Actual Daters

A major point with Tinder is that you cannot get with most of your matches.

Studies show that most Tinder users actually use the app for entertainment only.

This is legit insane.

Figuring out if a girl actually wants to meet is key.

In fact, I ran an experiment and with optimized texting, I only managed to get roughly half of my matches to agree on a date.

This confirmed what studies show.

Some girls swipe by mistake

Some girls swipe out of boredom

Some girls wanted to meet but then their ex came back or their dog died, etc

Oh and by the way, rest assured that there are many women looking for a Tinder hookup.

In fact, here’s a female take on how to hookup on Tinder.

Whatever the reason, there’s only a certain amount of girls that you can even meet among your matches.

Getting a better profile and improving your texts will do 2 things for you:

You will get more matches

You will get a higher percentage of those matches on a date

Get a Better Profile for More Dates

What’s beautiful about online dating is that it can be reduced to raw, cold data.

Let’s go back to school with a classic math problem for a moment:

If only roughly 50% of your matches want a date.

And that your text game is pretty good, and gets you a date with 15% of your matches.

How many matches do you need to get to end up with 2 dates per week?

That’s roughly 27 matches per week.

So first, your main goal should be to increase the amount of matches you’re getting up to that number.

Improve your Photos and Get More Matches

Photos are the biggest factor in your online dating success, unsurprisingly.

While it’s more about the way you present yourself than how ripped you are, physical attraction plays a clear role.

Your presentation matters a lot since it’s basically the only info a girl gets before swiping.

If your profile is sloppy and low-value, you’ll get less matches

If your profile looks ‚premium‘ and shows a high-value lifestyle, you’ll get more matches

You will only be judged on what she can see, so make sure to put your best foot forward.

Put effort in your photos.

Avoid the most common Tinder photo mistakes like selfies, sunglasses or a messy background.

The devil really is in the details.

Get a Texting System that Gets Dates

Once you’ve figured out how to get more matches, you want to increase the odds of those matches going on a date.

So yes, there is this threshold of roughly 50% of your matches not looking for a date.

But you want to find a system that gets as close as possible to converting the remaining 50%.

There’s a lot that’s related to mindset when it comes to texting.

For example, you want to focus on being fun and light-hearted while flirting.

And you also want to match her level of investment in the conversation.

Because appearing needy is a real death sentence:

This example above is very oppressive for the girl.

Avoid texting more than she does.

But overall, you want to make sure you’re moving things forward.

The best texting system consists of 2 main things:

4 „conversation checkpoints“ that lead to a date

The ability to gracefully restart a conversation after getting ghosted

The 4 Conversation Checkpoints

I came up with this 4 steps Tinder conversation system a few years back.

It’s awesome because:

It filters out uninterested girls, gold diggers, etc

It shows you’re a confident, sexual man

You get dates quick without giving your power away

1 – The Tinder Opener

First, you want to start the conversation by commenting on something that you noticed in her bio.

An original pick-up line or something that makes her curious works too.

Just avoid going in with „hi how are you“ like most guys do.

2 – The Tinder Flirt

Step 2 is about making your conversation flirtatious.

Maybe this will be a single text, maybe this will be a bunch of playful texts.

Point is, she gotta know you’re here to make love happen.

And she’s got to agree with it.

If she doesn’t no big deal, she was part of the uninterest 50%.

3 – The Tinder Activity

Step 3 comes in when she agreed with your flirty frame.

You will then push for a date activity and do what we call a „soft close“.

Once she agreed on the principle of a date, keep leading.

By the way, if this step is troublesome we have a full guide on asking girls out over texts right here.

4 – The Tinder Close

Step 4 is about locking down the logistics of the date.

Personally, I prefer to take her number or Instagram at this time.

But the point is that you should close her.

One thing might surprise you about this texting system:

I don’t get to know the girl.

And that’s the whole point.

This playful banter is just there to solidify our match.

To see if she actually wants to meet you based on your profile.

You guys will get to know each other during our date, not on the app.

Restart Conversations to Get More Dates

You also want to make sure to restart conversations that go cold.

Because she might think you’re cute, you may not be as important as her upcoming math test.

And if she has to choose between a guy from Tinder and her future, you’re gonna get ghosted.

It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you.

Once a week I like to send what I call a „revive text“ to all my hot matches gone cold.

It’s not too hard to do, just make sure to make that text:

Fun

Light-hearted

Addressing the elephant in the room, aka the fact she didn’t reply

And whenever she replies, go back to the last conversation checkpoint you left her at.

The few paragraphs above will ensure you get ahead of most of your competition on Tinder.

But hey, Tinder or cold approach?

Have a look below at the proper way to do cold approach before making up your mind.

Get Good at Cold Approach to Meet Women Anywhere

Last month, I met an influencer because she was networking in a mall for a shampoo commercial event.

Incredible: hot girls go out just like other women.

You will probably meet fewer women outside, but:

Before asking Tinder or cold approach (and choosing Tinder like most men), look at your options.

This study shows that in the US in 2017 almost 40% of couples met online, while roughly 28% would meet at bars and restaurants.

Follow a System to Meet More Women

There is just less competition with cold approaches because:

most men are scared

most men have no idea what to say

So I am going to share with you my secret cold approach game plan.

No more Tinder or cold approach, you will be able to do both.

1 – Control your Body Language

You want to make sure to hold strong eye contact.

This creates trust and tells her that you’re not going to try and steal her purse.

It’s very important with early interactions.

Pay attention to the rest of your body as well:

Avoid fidgeting

Stand straight, do not lean

Talk loud and clear

Overall you want to stay physically composed and say your piece.

If she’s open to meeting guys she will stay and listen.

2 – Be direct and Genuine

Being indirect and cocky might be good advice if you meet a woman in the club.

But if you cold approach women outside in person, you want to be direct.

If not, she might assume you’re trying to sell her something.

Let’s just avoid any confusion.

3 – Make her Remember you

If you meet a woman in person on the street, for example, you want her to remember you.

Once she gets home, if she has already forgot about you, it’s not good.

The easiest way to get a woman to remember you is to make her feel something when you meet her.

Engage the girl in the conversation

Make the girl laugh

Make the girl talk about herself

And don’t worry if you have some awkward silences.

It gets easier with practice.

4 – Set a Dating Frame to Avoid the Friendzone

While the friend zone is cool if you have a mutual friend, most of the time it sucks.

You want to set a dating frame:

The only purpose of you talking to her is to figure out if love can happen.

(Just like on dating apps.)

Unless you intend to become a pick-up artist, you don’t need fancy techniques.

Try to get to know her, and try to get her to know you.

If you’re an interesting guy she will want to know more.

And if she wants to know more, she will also try to show that she’s interesting.

The first steps with the cold approach are not very hard, you just want to put yourself out there.

And if you’re too shy to start meeting women outside, I’ve got this very easy exercise for you.

Tinder or Cold Approach?

Bottom line: you should do both.

Most people have a preference when it comes to Tinder or cold approach.

But cold approaches will help with any new women you meet from a dating app.

And you want to know how to send messages to attractive women, once you get her phone number anyways.

Easily Meet a Woman from Online Dating

Many women I met online were interested from the get-go.

In a sense, Tinder is a little bit of a meat market:

Once you’ve got a working system, quite a lot of the women you will talk with are interested.

And you can effortlessly lead this to some good fun if you know what you’re doing.

In this example, she came to the bar downstairs in my building. 

After a 30 mins chat, it was very easy to invite her upstairs.

Don’t be afraid to go for it.

The worst thing that can happen:

You get ghosted and text your next match.

If you’re looking for convenience, online dating is the way to go.

Cold Approach is Limitless

I like to compare cold approach to being able to fly:

It’s a little bit scary, but it’s total freedom.

While Tinder limits you to your matches, I’ve cold approached models and local celebrities more often than I can count.

Good luck sliding into her DMs when she has 200k followers.

It requires some degree of confidence and conversation skills though:

If you’re not willing to do the work, you won’t see any results.

Bonus: Meet the Hottest Girls with Social Circle Game

On the topic of beautiful women, there is another awesome secret:

It’s called social circle game.

It’s awesome because it’s a combination of online dating andcold approach.

Just have a look at this one guy:

Is he handsome?

Not really, but his social circle got a decent amount of hot women.

Once you become good at texting women but also talking to them in real life, you can combine both.

And start working on building awesome social circles.

Even create your very own social circle full of very attractive women

It’s not just about Tinder or cold approach.

The guy in the example above uses dating apps and cold approach to get in touch with hot girls.

He then throws parties and uses Instagram to share photos of those events.

So that the next few hot women he meets get even more excited to know him.

A real Dan Bilzerian in the making.

Create your Own Social Circles with Hot Women

Social circle is a more advanced topic.

But an amazing way to meet a woman in person.

You need to already be great at talking both in-person and online.

But there are guys in this world who meet interested girls and friends through social circles only.

Here are 4 steps to get your hot social circle started:

Pin down exactly the kind of friends and girls you want to meet.

Figure out where they go and hang out (or text them on online apps).

Go there often, start talking, meet girls and guys, and make friends.

Organize events, and invite those friends and their own friends.

I used to do this in college before I started traveling the world.

And there’s one funny thing that always happens.

When you’re the one person throwing giant parties with cool guys and hot girls:

Everyone becomes interested in talking to you and being your friend (of course).

Meeting people in social circles or even creating your own social circle is the level above Tinder or cold approach.

With a great social circle, you will meet interesting guys and girls.

You won’t have to try hard on any individual girl anymore.

Tinder or Cold Approach: a Great Dating Life has Both

Whether it’s Tinder or cold approach, both are great for your life.

Instead of Tinder or cold approach, make it Tinder and cold approach.

That said you don’t need to do both at once all the time.

And whether it’s Tinder or cold approach, they both have their own pros and cons.

You just saw exactly what to focus on to get the results you want now.

And whenever you’re ready, you can even use both skills to build your dream social circle.