As you date, it’s not unusual to experience frustration from time to time. The men you meet may be disappointing, second dates may be scarce, or maybe you’re not even able to get to the starting line. Frustration comes in all shapes and sizes. If you let it, frustration can cause you to close your heart and stop believing in love.
Frustration sets in for me when there are starts and stops along the three-step introduction process I teach and use when I’m just getting to know a man. If it gets choppy because there are starts and stops to getting to a coffee date and doesn’t flow, I can almost feel whether we’ll actually meet each other and how successful that meetup will be. In fact, that’s what inspired this article.
I met a man online; after a few messages within the dating platform, I used my three-step formula to ask him if he would be interested in having a real convo on the phone. He said “Sure” and then never called. His excuse was a bit lame, but plausible so we tried it a second day. Again, he didn’t call. INSTEAD, he called me early in the morning on the third day.
My lie detector was beeping so I kept the call extremely short. When I told him I had expected his call the night before, his response was that he got home late and then went out for dinner. WHAT???? You text me to say you’ll call me when you get home from work, and then go out to dinner instead?????
Now I’m wondering if he’s married because he only communicates with me when he’s at work. Either way, his words and his actions weren’t consistent, and those are qualities I look for in a high-value man. Obviously, he was just a boy.
My frustration wasn’t because he didn’t call me. It was because he told me he would and he didn’t. I’m someone who keeps her word. If I tell you I’m going to do something, I do it. It’s not a high expectation, it’s simply human kindness and good manners.
When you’re meeting someone new, the introduction process and first date set the benchmark for your ongoing experience. If the introduction process doesn’t go well, and you accept bad behavior, you’ll see that same bad behavior repeated throughout your dating-ship. In my case, if I accepted his behavior, he would have continued to disregard my feelings and blow me off any time something better came along.
I started getting frustrated on day number two, and my frustration was in full bloom on day three after our conversation. Then I started laughing at myself because I had an ah-ha moment.
When I first started dating, I would have believed his silly excuses and played along with his games. He would have continued to treat me poorly, and I would have let him. But now, because I’ve done the inner work and increased my self-confidence, I’m a high-value woman who never settles for less than I deserve. I totally understand that if things don’t go well at the beginning, they’ll only go downhill from there. How a man treats me when we first meet tells me so much about him.
If you’re dating and getting frustrated because you’re having similar experiences, congratulate yourself. This means you’re putting yourself first and raising the bar. Dating is always more about you than the men you’re meeting.
To be a successful dater and create a happy, healthy, loving relationship with someone special, you truly need to keep your mindset and heartset strong. It helps you learn something positive from every less-than-positive experience you have.
It’s okay to take a break from dating if you feel yourself getting cynical. There is such a thing as dating fatigue. And you want to take a break rather than get snarky with the men you’re meeting. That’s never a good look, and probably not who you truly are.
When you shift your energy, you’ll feel better about yourself and uplevel the men you attract into your world. Be sure to nurture yourself and surround yourself with positive people you love to keep your vibration level high. You only attract men who are at your vibration level or lower, it’s a universal law.
If you want more information about how to date with more confidence and clarity, check out my inside-out/outside-in coaching system. You’ll feel powerful on the inside, while knowing what to say and do on the outside. The magic happens where these two forces meet in the middle.
What frustrates you the most about dating, and how do you deal with it? Do you consider yourself a high-value woman? What inner work have you done to get to this point?
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