How can you tell if a man regrets sleeping with you?
There are 11 specific signs that reveal his regret. Whilst studies report that women are more likely to regret casual sex encounters than men, men do sometimes regret having sex with a woman.
Usually if a man regrets having sex with you, the research tells us that the biggest reasons for his regret revolve around feelings of shame, guilt and disgust (moral, pathogenic and physical).
Yes, even men regret sex for those reasons, just a bit less than women do.
Both women and men are motivated to avoid the sometimes heavy costs of casual sexual encounters, such as:
Damage to their reputation
The possibility of contracting a disease
The damaging behavior of a sexual partner who could hinder their long-term reproductive success; and
The possibility of their short-term sexual partner causing harm to people in their social network
As such, if a man regrets a sexual encounter with you, it’s because of one or more of the above perceived “costs”.
So: when we divulge the signs he regrets sleeping with you, what we are looking for is body language and behavioral patterns that betray his inner disgust, shame or guilt.
Let’s get into the signs now.
Sign #1: He Is Rude Or Dismissive Towards You
If a guy really regrets sleeping with you, he may act unnecessarily rude towards you in person (or over text).
Seems a bit much for someone who just had sex with you, doesn’t it?
But if there was alcohol involved or if a guy is attached to another woman (or a wife), he may feel that the only way to deal with his own moral disgust towards himself is to treat you so badly that you never come close to him again.
This is one of the most telling (and painful) signs he regrets sleeping with you. But why?
Because when a man feels like the sexual encounter was not worth the cost it has had on his life, he would want to put you down and dismiss you.
It is kind of a safe strategy to ensure that he never makes that mistake again.
That’s partially the point of experiencing regret, right? It’s to make us (both men and women) modulate our behavior in the future.
So instead of being all flirty with you like he may have been before you had sex, he will now act as though you’re not worthy of his time.
By the way, there Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?
CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. (Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
Sign #2: Stopping Most (or All) Communication With You
Obviously, if a man completely stops interacting with you the way he used to, it could mean a number of things.
But if this sign shows up in combination with several of the other signs in this article, it could be a definite sign he regrets sleeping with you.
More: 7 Undercover Reasons Why Guys Distance Themselves After Intimacy.
A man who was only looking to capitalize on a short-term sexual opportunity with you (or with any woman), will act attractive, nice or even somewhat considerate of you – until the deed is done.
Once the deed is done, he may not like what he did with you, for many reasons.
And one behavior that may betray his disgust or regret towards the sex itself (or towards his own actions) is his refusal to maintain any contact with you.
Sign #3: He Acts Overly Nice To You
Why would a guy do this if he regrets sleeping with you?
Because he realized that he did the wrong thing by you, and that now you might be hurt that he didn’t want anything more than sex.
(For more on this, see: 13 Definite Signs He Regrets Hurting You.)
Obviously, this extra nice behavior is related more to his own inner guilt than anything else.
It’s a good thing that he’s acting more considerate of your feelings, but unfortunately it won’t make him more attached to you, nor make him want anything serious with you moving forward.
So what are some things he might do?
He might change his actions from flirty to meek.
He might offer to help you with heavy things that you’re trying to carry.
He might even offer to help you with your homework if you’re both students.
He might pull up a chair for you or open a door for you.
Sign #4: He Rolls His Eyes Or Turns Away From You
These might seem like some strange signs he regrets sleeping with you, but I promise they’re not.
Both of these body language signs he regrets sleeping with you are a manifestation of passive aggressive behavior on his part.
They serve him to try to get rid of you.
If you are desperate to find out whether he regrets having sex with you (and you still want him in your life), you may give off signs that you want something from him.
He will notice that you’re wanting more, and inside he may not be able to accept that you want more.
Even though he also agreed to the casual sex and he should technically be somewhat responsible for the encounter too, he doesn’t want to invest any more in you.
So whilst he wants nothing to do with you anymore, he feels your attempts at talking to him as though it’s far too much to ask from him.
So if he’s the immature type, he may engage in passive aggressive behavior like eye-rolling or turning his back to you.
Fun, isn’t it?
If you see a guy exhibiting these behaviors, remember that the most important thing here is not him, it’s you.
If he’s going to treat you this way, then you will only hurt yourself more by trying to talk to him.
You will cause yourself less suffering if you were to just drop all contact, but if you are very angry and hurt inside and you have to say something, there is one phrase I recommend you say to him.
This phrase will make you high value whilst capturing his attention and triggering his curiosity.
Sign #5: He Brushes Off Any Affection From You
This is one of the most direct signs he regrets sleeping with you.
If a guy secretly feels that his choice to sleep with you will damage his reputation or cause him to incur more costs than the sex was worth, then he will brush off your affection.
He is basically communicating that he isn’t interested in being close to you physically or emotionally.
Of course, a guy could also ignore your affection if he’s angry at you or he feels you’ve done him wrong. So try to see whether this sign occurs alongside a number of the other signs.
If it does, then yes, it’s one of the clearest signs he regrets sleeping with you.
Sign #6: Spreading Hurtful, Negative Rumors About You
Yep, guys can be petty too.
But when you hate yourself for sleeping with someone and you don’t know how to process that self hatred, what would you do?
Bring down the other person or damage their reputation, perhaps.
It’s almost as if this is a pre-emptive strike towards you, just in case you do it to him (try to damage his reputation).
Why would you do that though?
Well, some women do try to damage a guy’s reputation after realizing that he’s not actually going to invest any of his resources in her or commit to anything long term.
They become outraged when they realize that the guy wasn’t truly into them and that they didn’t capture this man’s long-term affection.
This is one reason why it’s very important (primarily for your self care as a woman), that you make sure you’re going to be ok with the guy leaving after having casual sex with you.
Sex doesn’t make a guy commit or fall in love, no matter how stunning you are. (See: Can A Man Sleep With A Woman Without Developing Feelings For Her?)
Women in general incur much larger costs for having casual sex, and the best thing for you to do is to be aware of those costs and weight the costs against the value of this short-term affair for yourself.
For more on this, see my article: The Secret Cost Of Casual Sex on Women, and Think Casual Sex Is Harmless? Think Again.
Case Study: Learn How our member Alison went from attracting perpetual abusive relationships…
…To finally learning the skill of weeding out the wrong types of men, and passing the hardest test of them all… an accidental pregnancy after a month of dating! (…All by learning one simple skill.)
Sign #7: He Makes Negative Comments About The sexual Encounter
If he feels guilty or even disgusted by the sex you had together, he may betray his inner guilt by speaking negatively about what you guys did.
Obviously, he could also just be a horrible person inside. But it could also be a sign of guilt and regret because he wishes it didn’t happen.
Sign #8: He Keeps All Conversation Superficial
Suppose you guys cannot avoid bumping into each other. Well, the guy who regrets sleeping with you will refuse to communicate about anything personal, preferring to keep all conversation superficial.
He does this because he doesn’t want to be involved in your life, thoughts or emotions in any way.
He prefers to keep you as far away as possible to preserve his resources and attention for other areas (or people) in his life.
Sign #9: He Pushes You Away Emotionally
Let’s say you slept with a guy with whom you had previously formed some kind of a mutual attachment with.
He may or may not have been in love with you in the past, but you’ve known each other a while and managed to build up some kind of mutual emotional attachment.
…Until that time you guys did the deed!
And for whatever reason, he regretted it.
Well, since he regrets it deep down, he will want to remove all emotion and attachment from the equation.
He’ll prefer to eliminate all attachment to save himself from having to give you anything else you may demand of him.
For example – attention, compassion, empathy or even more sex.
Also, just secretly, he wants to detach too, so that he never has to go through these feelings of guilt or regret again.
Sign #10: He No Longer Flirts With You
One of the more obvious signs he regrets sleeping with you is when a previously flirtatious and charming guy suddenly turns cold.
Basically, he flirted with you in the past, but it’s already served its purpose, and now flirting with you no longer serves him.
Because he doesn’t want to engage with you sexually again.
But why? Why doesn’t he want to engage with you sexually again? He’s a man, so don’t all men want more sex rather than less?
Not if they regret the sex they had with you.
Perhaps he’s worried that his reputation will be tarnished by sleeping with you, or maybe he’s worried that you might come for revenge and damage his relationships with future women or even his family.
So he has to abruptly cut off all possibility of casual sex to minimize the potential cost of the act ASAP.
Remember above we discussed the fact that both women and men have inbuilt mechanisms for minimizing the costs of casual sexual encounters?
Simply put, some guys know that you may be upset, (kind of like that famous saying: “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”).
He thinks that you could cause some damage, so he will cease all flirting in order to push you away and attempt to reduce any potential costs on himself.
Sign #11: He Avoids Eye Contact
This is one of the biggest indicators that he regrets having sex with you.
A guy who sleeps with you and then avoids eye contact may be feeling ashamed inside.
However, he may also be feeling guilty for using you or unfortunately, he could even be repulsed by some of the things you did together.
Remember that we are all motivated to try to avoid contracting any diseases as the cost on our health is (usually) not worth it.
So if he found out that you had some kind of STD, he may feel disgusted and want to stay away from you.
Alternatively, if he has an STD himself and didn’t divulge it to you, he may want to avoid you completely as he feels so guilty and ashamed inside.
Finally, he may just be avoiding eye contact because he doesn’t want you to attach to him.
Thus the more you try to get his attention, the harder he’ll try to avoid you.
How To Be High Value If A Guy Regrets Sleeping With You?
If you see any of the above signs, it’s understandably upsetting, especially if you didn’t have any bad intent and were just enjoying your time with him.
However, there are some things that you need to do right now in order to best retain your value and move forward.
Step #1: Grieve and Accept The Reality
This is the hardest part, obviously. Because none of us really want to be forced to grieve, but unfortunately you don’t have a choice.
If you were emotionally attached to him in any way, grieving is the only authentic way forward.
You could try to get revenge, but that will mostly just make you feel even worse about yourself, as you’re not going to change the way he feels about you now.
So take the time to grieve, there’s nothing more important than that. It’s the only way to come out the other side stronger and to finally come to accept it.
Step #2: Begin To Build Your Value
In order to feel better, it’s important to focus on building your value as a woman.
Why?
Because ultimately, it is only through showing up high value that you will be able to attract a higher value man in the future who falls in love with you and wants to take care of you forever.
So how do you build your value?
Start with my article on the 6 Traits Of A High Value Woman (& 3 Habits To AVOID).
Step #3: Show Up As The One And Only Woman, Not One Of Many
The best way to avoid this type of sexual encounter in the future (where he pulls away after having sex with you), is to make sure you never end up in any man’s ‘one of many’ basket again.
The one of many basket is one of two baskets every man will place you in once you meet and date them.
The other basket is the “one and only” basket.
When you’re in the one of many basket, you will get crumbs. A man will treat you no different to any other woman he can get sex and attention from.
Simply put, he will give you the absolute bare minimum that he has to give you in order to get sex out of you.
Yet if you’re the one and only, he will give you every last morsel of his soul. He will love you, cherish you, and beg you to be his one and only woman – for life.
By the way, I want to teach you the 5 feminine secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new program, “Becoming His One And Only”. CLICK to learn more.
(The promise of this course is for you to have your chosen man fall in love with you & beg you to be his one & only by embodying these 5 feminine secrets, even if he’s been distant, avoidant, or losing interest…)
Final Words
Don’t ever let a man’s reaction to you sleeping together define your future.
Remember, he was likely just trying to get what he could out of the situation, and though his actions might hurt you, they don’t make you less worthy.
It is never too late to focus on moving forward in your life and building your value.
Best of luck to you and I wish you all the love in the world!
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I tell if he is just using me for sex or if he regrets it?
If a guy is just using you for sex, you will see the following signs:
He won’t spend time with you outside of sex
He will not empathize with your emotions
He won’t care about your wellbeing
He’ll only contact you when he wants the goods
He may even tell you straight up that he’s only interested in sex
What if I slept with him too soon?
If you feel like you slept with him too soon, the best thing to do is to build your value.
Focus on building intrinsic value within yourself and regardless or having sex with him too soon, you might see him becoming intrigued by you again.
If a guy sleeps with you, does he find you attractive?
Usually yes.
Even men prefer to sleep with a woman whom they find very attractive.
However, that’s just a preference, and he doesn’t have to find you attractive to sleep with you. He could just want the sex.
Remember, men aren’t women. They don’t really have to like, care about you nor see you as attractive to engage in sex with you.
What to do when a guy ignores you after sleeping with you?
Process the hurt you feel inside first. That’s the most important thing to do.
You can act like you don’t care in public, but inside, you have to do the work to get over it and grieve it.
This is because if you don’t process the sexual encounter, and his actions as well as your own, then the anger, desperation or desire for him will show in your actions.
How to get a guy to respect you after sleeping with him?
If you really lost his respect (which in most cases, you probably haven’t), then the first thing you can do to get it back is to move forward with esteem for yourself.
Build your esteem by doing the things that are difficult in your love life (and your life in general).
When you act from an esteemed place, your actions will reflect it.
The second thing to do is: don’t be desperate. Even if you haven’t had sex in 10 or 20 years, don’t be desperate.
When you feel desperate for something, it comes through in your actions. Men can feel it.
Become aware of how you feel inside, as this will help you dissect why you do what you do.
So if you find yourself aware of the fact that you’re desperate for sex, then men will treat you as though it’s easy to get sex from you and as though you’re an “easy” woman.
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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