Ok, stay with me on this one as your happiness level is a crucial factor which dictates successful outcomes with online dating. You’ve all probably seen Harvard’s ongoing Happiness Project or the yearly stats on the Danes and Swedes being the happiest people in the world.
Why does this matter? As a dating coach and former matchmaker, I see some patterns when it comes to dating.
Exactly how does your personal happiness affect your dating life? As intelligent women, you already know this is incredibly obvious. You can’t expect another person to make you happy if you are unhappy. Agree. But read the 10 factors and think them through.
Yesterday, while on a 5-mile walk with Luna, my golden retriever and happiest walking buddy in the world, I was chatting with one of my sisters. (I come from a large Irish family so there’s lots of us!) Bottom line is, she’s been bummed out about her love life over the past year. And she is a pretty, in great shape, 60-year-old.
But the stuff she is doing will get her nowhere and I told her so bluntly.
Then I asked her, “Josie, on a scale of 1-10, how happy are you in general?” Josie paused, then said a 7. “Ok,” I told her, “I can work with that.”
Had she said 1-4, I would have pointed her toward a therapist – which I most certainly am not. But a 7, heck yes, I can work with that. BTW, anyone who thinks she’s a 10, likely needs therapy too.
Below are some ideas on how to strengthen your happiness factor and consequently, improve your love and dating life as well.
So, have you done a personal happiness check lately? Here are 10 things to think about:
Why? Because loneliness kills. It forges isolation and unhappiness, especially if you don’t like being on your own.
Do you watch Ted Lasso, Yellowstone, The Diplomat, The Office, etc. for 3-4 hours each evening? Add those hours up and think what you could be doing! Plus, binging disconnects you from people.
Self-CareSelf-care doesn’t have to be expensive. Nothing like a costly massage/facial each week. It could simply mean scheduling a weekly lunch with a friend.
Your HealthThis needn’t be starting to train for the NY marathon. It might be trying a hiking group, Pilates classes, lifting weights with a personal trainer, hitting 10,000 steps on your Fitbit. Endorphins feel so good!
Try Something New Every WeekIn my line of work, I get to know my clients so well. Some things they try are self-defense classes, painting, a basketball league for men over 50, archery classes. You know the big side benefit? You’ll meet new people too.
Pick Quality Over QuantityIt’s the quality of your close relationships that ups your happiness quotient, not the number of acquaintances you acquire.
Hold Yourself AccountableAccountability is important, and you know this because you did it in your professional life, raising children, etc. Why would you discount accountability when it comes to your personal and love life?
Step Away and Take a Minute for YourselfThat could be reading. It could be meditating. It could be a restorative yoga class. Hey, I see more and more high-powered men and women taking yoga (when some used to make fun of it!).
Just Do ItLet me borrow a tip from Phil Knight here (I just saw Air and loved it), because regret does not taste good. So, what if you are high profile and your photo is on an online dating site? And someone sees you? Well, they are on it too. Get over these obstacles.
Know Your Self-WorthWe are all individuals with different qualities. Know your worth, and you won’t feel insecure about dating and relationships. And self-confidence is sooo sexy!
Your happiness matters. Be happy with yourself before pursuing a relationship. As a dating coach, I can tell you this: it’s fun and never, ever boring to help happy people find a match.
Are you a happy person? On a scale from 1 to 10, what is your happiness level? Do you think unhappy people can – or should – pursue a romantic relationship? Have you dated a person who is happy with themselves? How does this compare to the opposite scenario?
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