It seems like at every stage of life we say, “Well, they’re at that age.” Whether it’s teething, or asking why every five seconds, or moodiness, or midlife blues, or reinventing ourselves.
In our 60s, we’re at that age where we often find ourselves newly divorced, newly widowed, or sprouting wings as we continue to fly solo.
As baby boomers, we can wake up one day and find ourselves completely out of the loop when it comes to navigating the online dating world. I was 43 when my husband left, and since I had been married from the age of 20, I had never really dated anyone seriously. I didn’t know how to be single. After a few years when I had emotionally healed, I felt the desire to meet a man and even get married again. Where, I wondered, do I start?
You’re at that age when you may have entered singleness and now, you’re being urged… even pushed… by well-meaning family and friends to get back in the saddle of dating.
Only IF you feel ready, here are some helpful tips to get you started in online dating.
Please have someone else check your spelling and grammar. Nothing is more of a turn-off than poorly written text riddled with spelling errors in a profile. Spel cheque duz knot cache all miss steaks. Let your profile percolate overnight and look at it again with fresh eyes the next day. Be authentic and don’t overshare.
Include photos of yourself in several scenarios, including dressy, casual, out in nature, etc. Also, include current pictures, not from 10 years ago when you were fit, trim and wrinkle-free. It’s the same as in a business; under promise, over deliver. And I implore you, please do not take a selfie in your bathroom with the mirror as a backdrop. Smartphone photography is more sophisticated than that!
My first suggestion is to set your profile to delete any profiles without pictures. There are too many scammers out there who will bait the “hook” any way they can, and although they can “steal” pictures of good-looking men on the web, in time, you can ask for additional recent photos. Look for well-written profiles. Can they complete an intelligible sentence?
Watch out for the “too good to be trues” as they usually are. If their profile says legally separated, do not go there because their previous door is not closed! Another key point is realizing that not everyone you meet is a potential suitor. Some people you meet may be looking simply for companionship and not a serious dating relationship. I’ve met two lifelong friends of 20+ years on online websites. They weren’t a love connection, but they’ve made wonderful, supportive friends.
When you find a person who you think might be a possibility, send a brief note, introducing yourself.
If they are sending you kisses or other flirty icons in the first message, watch out because they could simply be seeking a booty call, and this type of man doesn’t improve with age. They could also be an online scammer.
If a man is too aggressive out the starting gate, proceed with caution. If someone contacts you first, and you’re not interested, you’re not obligated to respond. That’s the beauty of online dating. You make it work for YOU! Refrain from giving many details about your life or daily schedule when making initial communication.
The saying goes, “you don’t know until you ask.” Ask a few questions via the website and only when and if you feel comfortable, exchange personal emails and/or phone numbers. Move at a pace YOU feel comfortable with. Ask broad questions about their lifestyle, interests, etc.
Be ready to answer their questions truthfully but not in full detail. If the conversation is all about them and not a back-and-forth verbal exchange, it’s probably how it’s going to be moving forward.
The phone conversations have gone well. You’re feeling more comfortable with this person, and you have some common interests. Time to meet! Suggest a public place and put a time limit on it. You can adjust accordingly if the meeting goes better than expected. Breakfast or lunch works nicely, but I strongly discourage a nighttime meeting for the first date. Ladies, please let a friend or family member know where you’re going – better to err on the side of caution.
At this meeting, be mindful of their eye contact and body language. If you sense him mentally undressing you… ding ding… run for the hills… he has one goal… to get into the “PlayStation.” The topic of intimacy should NEVER come up in the first meeting, or even the second meeting.
The first encounter should be a light-hearted, general SHORT story-telling meeting with no talk about financial matters. Just as in your telephone conversations, he should be asking about your life too. A one-sided conversation either way is plain boring.
What I call a one date wonder from many years ago comes to mind. The phone conversations had gone well, and we agreed to meet. We chose a popular burger fast-food restaurant, and this man talked non-stop for two hours. He told me he was an orderly in a mental hospital and had a seven-foot boa constrictor as a pet. As they say, No way, Jose! He was most definitely NOT my prince charming! He did not ask me one question about me or my life. At the end of the two hours (yes, I stayed), he told me how much he enjoyed the conversation… I thought, what conversation? He told me how he felt he could tell me anything. Wow, uh… NO. Buh. Bye.
There you have it. These six tips can get you started toward a wise and successful online dating experience. Yes, there are lots of crazies and cons out there! There are also a lot of super nice people simply seeking companionship.
Use wisdom. Exercise good judgment. Do not proceed if your intuition says something is not right.
Have you entered the dating world after 60? What has your experience been like? If you’ve met your true love, share your story with us. We will celebrate with you!
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