If you’ve read my previous posts, you know I’m excited about helping my clients enjoy online dating. And I certainly don’t mess around. I am a supporter of the fast start on dating.
And I do this with a reason. Consider this example:
A new client of mine, Nina, 62, widowed, independent and a successful business woman, was aghast when I told her that I expected her to go on four dates in the first two weeks. I spoke to her earlier this week and here’s what she shared with me about her fast-dating experience.
“I’m a confident person but was nervous after a 25-year marriage – you wanted me on four dates! I haven’t gone on any dates in three years since my husband passed and here’s what happened:
I learned I can still talk about things other than business.
By date three, my confidence level soared.
This was sort of fun, and the men I was meeting I would have never run into in my day-to-day life.
Two were terrific men I’ll see again, the other two, well, I thought, ‘What in the world was I thinking when I chose them?!?’
By date four, I absolutely knew what I didn’t want.”
So, why am I insistent on a fast start?
A fast start to dating gives you an idea about what you like and what you don’t like. You will then be able to quickly screen out any singles that will not be a good match for you. As a 25+ year dating coach, I learn much about my clients from those first four dates – maybe even more than I had learned on our one-hour Zoom call.
With online dating, it’s not that difficult to meet four men in two weeks. In your day-to-day life, it’s highly unlikely. Think of it this way – the first time you picked up a golf club or pickleball paddle, were you confident? Confidence comes from repetition and experience. I find women start to look forward to their dates after those initial four meets.
Another client learned that she was a pretty adventurous traveler. Two men told her their idea of exciting trips this year were: a. driving cross country and b. visiting battle sights in the US.
I’m absolutely not knocking these, but her idea of travel was trekking the Camino de Santiago in the Fall and visiting the Vatican on a Wednesday for a papal blessing. When she mentioned these two things, both men looked startled.
Claire loves what she does and has no intention of stopping until she’s in her late 60s/early 70s. She met up with several men who happened to be content in retirement, babysitting grandchildren. And that is totally fine – for them. We concluded it might be a case of perhaps right person, wrong time in life. But we’ve decided no more retired men for Claire, especially if they have no passionate interests or hobbies.
Four dates give you a great feel for the different types of singles looking for love or a long-term relationship. Nina commented that had she not known she had a coaching call with me this week, she would have quit the dating site after only two dates.
Accountability works. Having an objective support person who is not your sister or best friend reaps benefits. It also works as a cheerleading mechanism – you have someone knowledgeable on your side making tweaks in your profile, the site you are on, the matches you are selecting for first dates, helping you craft messages that get responses, and making the process much more fun.
I think one woman said it much better than I ever could:
“Online dating is like going into an unknown jungle with all kinds of wild animals, dangerous plants, and traps… but also gorgeous flowers, sweet animals and revitalizing pools. A dating coach is the no-nonsense safety guide who does the briefing BEFORE you go in and then is also the guide who points out things along the way. Sometimes, she has to pick you up after a bad fall and dust you off. Now, imagine going into the jungle with NO guide or briefing… no wonder people have horrible experiences!”
Have a lovely week and happy dating!
Does the idea of four dates in two weeks scare you? Why or why not? If you are not dating and would like to, what is stopping you?
This article appeared first on Senior Dating – Advice, Dating Sites, Love and Sex After 60