<p>Similar to the way that many guys still believe harmful <a href=“https://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-myths-about-sex.html“>sex myths</a>, a lot of what guys know about dating is actually kind of… bogus. </p>
<p>It makes sense, of course. No one goes to “dating school,” and few people actually take the time to read dating advice books. </p>
<p>Even if you read a handful of dating advice articles like this one, it’s still possible to miss out on lots of basic info unless you’re going on lots of dates to learn by trial and error, and then talking to lots of people about your experiences. And even then, if the people you’re talking to are giving you bad advice, you could end up back at square one. </p>
<p><strong>RELATED: </strong><a href=“https://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/qualities-women-look-for-in-a-man.html“>The Top Qualities Women Really Look for in a Man</a> </p>
<p>Most of the dating advice floating around in the ether is constituted of bits and pieces of cultural scripts, old saws and adages that may have once made sense (and sometimes never did) but certainly no longer apply to the modern dating terrain, which has changed with incredible speed in the past decade or so. </p>
<p>As <a href=“http://www.missgigiengle.com/“ target=“_blank“>Gigi Engle</a>, <a href=“https://www.skyn.com/“ target=“_blank“>SKYN Condoms</a>’ sex and intimacy expert, certified sex coach, sexologist, and author, puts it, “Really in dating, there are no rules.”</p>
<p>“We all get to make our own, which I think is the biggest myth of all: That we need to follow some set script of what we can and can’t do,” she explains. “Everything from rules around paying for dinner, <a href=“https://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith/32_dating_advice.html“>when to kiss</a>, if the sex was meaningful to you. All of that is subjective and we should be brave enough to question conventions. Conventions only exist because they’re made up.”</p>
<p>So, in light of that, here are seven common and persistent dating myths we’d all be better off discarding: </p>
<h3>Myth No. 1: Dating Success Is All About Looks </h3>
<p>Ever heard anyone argue that some guys are just too ugly to get dates? Or the <a href=“https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/debunking-the-chad-myth.html“>Chad vs. virgin idea</a> that incels discuss? It’s clear that the idea that men have to be classically handsome to be lucky in love is still very much with us. </p>
<p>“Men get hung up on this myth for a couple reasons,” says Connell Barrett, dating coach and creator of the <a href=“https://datingtransformation.com/how-to-get-a-girlfriend/“ target=“_blank“><em>How to Get a Girlfriend</em></a> podcast. </p>
<p>Importantly, he says, “Straight men tend to value physical beauty in women more than straight women value it in men. Straight men tend to project their ‘looks matter’ preferences onto the opposite sex and assume that women only want to date square-jawed, six-pack packing men. So if you’re a guy who doesn’t fit that mold, it can devastate your self-confidence and hurt your love life.”</p>
<p>But the truth of it is that “looks just aren’t that important to women,” Barrett notes. “A <a href=“https://helloclue.com/articles/sex/idealpartner“ target=“_blank“>2019 poll by the health app Clue</a> asked 64,000 single women what traits they want most in a partner. Physical attractiveness didn’t even crack the top ten! (The top five: kindness, supportiveness, intelligence, education, confidence.)”</p>
<p><strong>RELATED: </strong><a href=“https://www.askmen.com/dating/player_100/142_love_games.html“>How to Have Dating Success No Matter What You Look Like</a> </p>
<p>“Looks only matter if you let them,” he adds. “Focusing on what you think you lack will only hurt your confidence. Play to your strengths, such as your intelligence, wit, or sense of humor.”</p>
<p>If you can impress your date with these other traits, Barrett says, that can help make you seem immensely sexy, regardless of whether you have movie-star good looks. </p>
<h3>Myth No. 2: The Man Should Always Pay</h3>
<p>OK, so this one isn’t as wrong as the previous myth. Ask a group of women who date men what they think about this and the majority will likely say that they still either expect or want their date to treat them. </p>
<p>But the idea that this is always applicable is bunk — to say nothing of dates featuring two men and no women — and you can seriously ruin your chances with a date if you forge ahead down this path without being willing to be flexible. </p>
<p>For straight guys, many modern women take it as a point of pride that they’re able to pay their share; they may also feel uncomfortable with the suggestion that they’re somehow in a man’s “debt” if they let him pay for a date, particularly if it’s an expensive one. </p>
<p><strong>RELATED: </strong><a href=“https://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_100/128_dating_girl.html“>How to Handle the Check on a First Date Without Making It Awkward</a> </p>
<p>So you should definitely be ready, willing and able to pay — especially if you’re the person who proposed the date in the first place — but the idea that it’s always the man’s responsibility to pay for 100% of the date, every time, just doesn’t align with dating reality anymore. </p>
<h3>Myth No. 3: Following Up Right Away Makes You Look Like a Try-Hard</h3>
<p>For a long time, the accepted wisdom was that a man should wait for a period before sending a post-date follow-up message. </p>
<p><strong>RELATED: </strong><a href=“https://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_300/380_myths-about-what-women-want.html“>Myths About Women & What They Want</a> </p>
<p>Depending on who you asked, this could range from waiting a day or two to a whole week after the date. The reasoning went that this made you seem independent, busy and impressive, and would give your date some time to start missing you and wondering why you weren’t getting in touch.</p>
<p>In short, it was kind of a short-sighted and cruel concept, and it’s no real surprise that it’s now in fact recognized as incredibly bad advice. If there was chemistry on the date, <a href=“https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/first-date-follow-ups.html“>follow up</a> right away! If you hold off for a while, you’re likely to convince your date that you’re not that interested, and thus, that they should pursue other options. </p>
<h3>Myth No. 4: Short Guys Struggle to Get Dates</h3>
<p>Let’s get one thing straight — there is a bias towards taller guys on the dating scene. But it’s also true that this doesn’t mean short guys don’t have a shot. </p>
<p><strong>RELATED: </strong><a href=“https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/why-women-go-after-tall-guys-and-what-short-guys-can-do-about-it.html“>Why Women Go After Tall Guys and What Short Guys Can Do About It</a></p>
<p>“Dating is about connection and showing your most authentic, attractive self to another person,” says Barrett. “Do those things and you can have an abundance of romantic options and land a great partner, whether you’re six-foot-four or four-foot-six.”</p>
<p>As well, Barrett notes, there are ways that you can come across as imposing without strapping on platform boots. </p>
<p>“When it comes to romantic attraction, it’s not really about your height,” he explains, “It’s about how your height makes them feel: namely feminine, smaller, safe. A shorter man can give a person those same feelings by, say, adding muscle at the gym, carrying himself with confidence, using his voice in a dominant way, or <a href=“https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/how-to-flirt.html“>getting great at flirting</a>.”</p>
<h3>Myth No. 5: The Most Important Thing Is an Instant Spark</h3>
<p>Ever heard of “love at first sight” or how people describe the feeling they have for someone new as a “spark” or “instant chemistry”?</p>
<p>While it’s true that these can be intensely powerful feelings, they’re far from a guarantee that things will work out between two people. </p>
<p>“This is actually a nervous system response to something familiar,” says Engle. “This means your <a href=“https://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi/attachment-theory.html“>attachment system</a> recognizes a pattern in the attachment system of the other person. Meaning, if they have an avoidant or anxious attachment style, you probably do too.”</p>
<p>“This is why we end up in dating patterns where we keep dating the same person over and over again and not understanding why we can’t stop being attracted to people who don’t treat us well,” she adds. “We think that chemistry is the thing to go off and if there isn’t a spark it’s because the person is boring, but what is actually happening is that the person probably has a secure attachment style and your nervous system doesn’t know what to do with that because it isn’t activated in the same way.”</p>
<p><strong>RELATED: </strong><a href=“https://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_100/108_dating_girl.html“>Things Women Expect From Men on First Dates</a> </p>
<p>Overall, Engle says, “our guts are famously untrustworthy, and we should be examining possible partners more deeply than if there’s an instant connection.”</p>
<h3>Myth No. 6: If You Get Friendzoned, Your Date Put You There </h3>
<p>Ever heard a guy say that he got “put in <a href=“https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/everything-you-need-to-know-about-the-friend-zone.html“>the friend zone</a>”? </p>
<p>“The other person doesn’t put a guy in the friend zone,” says Barrett. “As men, we do it to ourselves, either by treating our date like a platonic pal, or lacking the steely self-confidence that’s so attractive, or both!”</p>
<p>Barrett’s tip here is to help clarify the flirtatious nature of your interactions via some good old-fashioned banter. </p>
<p>“A lot of people enjoy a little teasing,” he notes. “Think of the girl in grade school who likes it when her crush pulls her pigtails.”</p>
<p>“It’s <em>not</em> about ‘negging,’ as some pickup artists teach,” Barrett clarifies. “It’s an invitation to flirt. Teasing invites your date to spar with you, and banter can send chemistry soaring.”</p>
<p>The trick to <a href=“https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/the-art-of-flirting.html“>teasing without verging into negging</a>? He suggests you tease your date about “silly, trivial things — nothing they would actually take personally. Say, if they’re ten minutes late for your date, or if their favorite movie is ‘Legally Blonde.’” </p>
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