<p>It’s normal for couples to talk about the future once things get more serious. They might discuss vacations they want to take together, how many kids they intend to have, or what their wedding will look like.</p>
<p>But when someone you’re dating talks a big game about what you’ll do together down the road without delivering on their promises, that can be pretty confusing, not to mention downright frustrating.</p>
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<p>If this scenario sounds familiar to you, you may very well have dated a “future faker.” Similar to other games people might play in order to get what they want while dating — leaving <a href=“/dating/dating_advice/internet-dating-slang-terms.html“>digital breadcrumbs</a> in the form of an occasional text or social media push just to keep someone on the hook, for instance — future faking is another <a href=“/dating/curtsmith_100/103_dating_advice.html“>manipulative form of seduction</a> that involves telling someone exactly what they want to hear. They keep you around by giving you false hope for the future, but deep down, they have no intention of keeping their promises.</p>
<p>Whether you’ve already dealt with a future faker, you think you’re dating one now, or you just want to strengthen your radar so you can avoid these deceivers down the line, here’s everything you need to know about this destructive dating trend.</p>
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<h2 style=“text-align:center“>What Is Future Faking?</h2>
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<p>“Future faking is painting a picturesque relationship future either verbally or through small gestures to the person you have only begun to date,” says dating coach <a href=“http://www.jessmccann.com/index.html“ target=“_blank“>Jess McCann</a>, author of <span class=“zdcs-url-shortener-extension-link-container“ data-zdcs-url-shortener-short-code=“pe5vv“><button><em class=“zdcs-url-shortener-icon zdcs-url-shortener-icon-link“></em></button></span><a href=“https://zdcs.link/pe5vv“ target=“_blank“ data-zdcs-url-shortener-tag-added=“true“><em>Cursed?: Why You Still Don’t Have the Relationship You Want and the 5 Cures That Can Transform Your Love Life</em></a>.</p>
<p>A future faker might tell you that they’d love to take you to their family’s gorgeous cabin in Maine, or maybe they’d express how excited they are for you to bond with their parents. McCann notes they may even make jokes about getting engaged, going as far to promise a plus-one spot to a wedding they’re going to months down the line. In reality, they aren’t making any effort to ensure those things happen.</p>
<p>“Many singles are desperately searching for love, so it stands to reason that you would fall for it,” says matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking <a href=“https://exclusivematchmaking.net/about-our-matchmaking-company-maryland-dc/about-susan-trombetti-matchmaker/“ target=“_blank“>Susan Trombetti</a>. “These relationships often end suddenly — maybe with ghosting — leaving you wondering what just happened.”</p>
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<h2 style=“text-align:center“>What Makes Future Faking So Harmful?</h2>
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<p>Not only does future faking force you to face the reality that your relationship was built on illusions, but you may also feel like the person you were developing feelings for betrayed your trust. In some cases, a future faker may split before every offering up any explanation for all their broken promises.</p>
<p>“You lower your guard thinking you just met your person, but you didn’t,” explains Trombetti. “It will leave you questioning everything and your self-confidence is surely going to take a big hit. You get no closure, which can then prevent you from moving on.”</p>
<p>Future faking, as you can imagine, is particularly traumatic for people who are already anxious, depressed, or haven’t healed from past trust issues.</p>
<p>“It can trigger a large amount of pain and suffering all over again,” she tells AskMen. “The feeling of being duped, robbed, or abandoned never feels good, but for people who are struggling with an experience or multiple experiences that have hurt them, future faking can cause them to emotionally recall feelings of anguish and shock.”</p>
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<h2 style=“text-align:center“>How Can You Spot a Future Faker?</h2>
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<p>Unfortunately, you might not realize you were dating a future faker until you’re scratching your head over all the plans they never pulled through on. That said, experts agree there are certain ways to tell if someone is intentionally behaving this way.</p>
<p>If your partner started making big promises early on in the relationship, for example, that can be a red flag. In many cases, it’s a form of “love bombing” — a tactic used by narcissists in order to gain control over you by showering you with an overwhelming amount of attention. Always consider how long you’ve been dating when evaluating whether or not their promises for the future seem legit.</p>
<p>“Actions speak louder than words in any relationship,” says Trombetti. “Are they taking steps to make any of these future promises happen? If not, you have just been future faked. Basically, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.”</p>
<p>According to McCann, many people fall victim to future faking nowadays due to the rise in virtual communication (which lead to virtual relationships). Since many relationships are built over texting, messaging through dating apps, etc. instead of in-person, these words have more weight than ever.</p>
<p>“I’ve explained to clients numerous times that words are easy to say, and communication through technology takes hardly an ounce of effort,” she explains. “The real test of interest comes through consistent action over a longer period of time. Unfortunately, many clients want to be married or in a relationship yesterday, so instead of proceeding with caution and allowing for that evaluation time, they want to believe the future promises and do so without reservation.”</p>
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<h2 style=“text-align:center“>Are All Future Fakers Narcissists?</h2>
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<p>When it comes to dating, narcissists are infamous for doing whatever it takes to reel you in. To no real surprise, that can often include manipulative tactics like future faking.</p>
<p>“Future faking is a sign of high self-absorption (narcissism) because the faker is only thinking of themselves and how to get you to do what he/she wants — whether that be sex, money, or favors,” says McCann. “A real relationship that is rooted in love starts with love. That means the person would have your interest as well as their own at heart from the beginning.”</p>
<p>Trombetti adds that with narcissists’ commitment issues, future faking allows them to get more of your attention and control over you without having to actually invest more into the relationship.</p>
<p>“They have a need to be worshiped and idealized, so promising you the moon and leaving you awestruck accomplishes that goal of glory for them,” she explains.</p>
<p>That’s not to say that every future faker is a narcissist, however. It all comes down to their intentions.</p>
<p>“A future faker’s selfish words are said with the intention to string you along to boost their ego,” says <a href=“https://cyberdatingexpert.com/“ target=“_blank“>Julie Spira</a>, an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. “They will seem like they’re a dream come true when you first meet. They will tell you they’ve waited their whole life for you and describe you as the ‘complete package,’ but their attempts to please you with grand promises for the future will never come to fruition. Deep down, all they care about is their ego boost and to get what they want right now in the present moment, whether it’s sex or a trophy arm piece, and they will easily lie to get it.”</p>
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<h2 style=“text-align:center“>What to Do If You’re Dating a Future Faker</h2>
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<p>Healthy relationships demand honesty, trust, and reliability — none of which a future faker can offer you. That’s why experts advise treading very carefully if you’ve started dating someone who’s exhibiting this behavior.</p>
<p>“Be sure to set boundaries and don’t dive in head first emotionally,” says Trombetti. “Don’t give too much until you make sure they’re offering you what you want, and living up to their promises.”</p>
<p>McCann also suggests indirectly confronting the faker by saying, „I like you, but I don’t know you that well. You don’t know me well, either. I’d like to take it slow and stay in the present for now. Let’s put the future talk on the back burner.“</p>
<p>“If the person continues to foretell the future of your relationship, you should take note that they have not only disregarded your request but likely are attempting to get something from you — and it’s not a loving relationship,” she adds.</p>
<p>Not sure whether or not someone is future faking you? Spira recommends writing down a list of all the promises they’ve made you, checking off which ones they’ve kept. If things aren’t adding up, it’s time to cut and run.</p>
<p>“That way, you can find someone who genuinely wants to get to know you, and whose actions coincide with their words,” notes Spira. “You’ll continue to get disappointed if you stick around. Staying with them will only deflate you, and you deserve to be with someone who will genuinely make you number one.”</p>
<p>Letting your guard down and trusting in someone is a beautiful thing, and a future faker’s manipulation says nothing about you and everything about them. That said, you might want to consider what may have made you vulnerable to this dating behavior. Did you move a little too fast in the relationship, missing out on red flags because you let infatuation take over? Were you ignoring what your gut was telling you about all the over-the-top promises they were making?</p>
<p>If you can learn to place more of an emphasis on someone’s actions rather than their words, then you’re prepared to spot the future fakers right from the get-go. Better yet, you’ll be in a better position to find someone who doesn’t fake a future with you, and instead, actually follows through on it.</p>
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This article appeared first on AskMen